We were given a few options, surgery alone, surgery with chemotherapy if he survived the surgery, chemotherapy alone, or let nature take it's course. We needed a day to think, it was not an easy decision. Riley's loyalty to his daddy a few years earlier made it even more difficult. Riley never gave up on his daddy, he hung right in there without hesitation, never a question in his mind about what was the right thing to do. We decided that we needed to try to think with our heads, not our hearts, we didn't want him to go through any more suffering than necessary.

He was ten years old and already suffering from arthritis, his vital organs were weak, and he was waddling around the house like a little old man. We couldn't justify the surgery, we knew in our hearts he wouldn't survive that. The vet had told us that, at best, the chemotherapy would only add a few months to his life, and those months would not be quality life. Riley would most likely be sick and very weak. We decided to schedule an appointment with the vet and go over all of the test results one more time. The first time around, we were in a confused state of mind, having had everything thrown in our faces at once. We needed to make sure we had gotten all of the facts correct.

We went in the next day and the vet sat us down  with Riley's charts, he explained everything that was wrong with Riley in detail, including the condition of his liver, heart, kidneys, ect. There really wasn't of a much choice to make after listening to all of this a little more clear headed than we were the day before, when we'd heard it all for the first time. We told the vet we would take him home and make his last few months of life as comfortable and happy as possible. He was going to be spoiled rotten from that day on, and he was.

Our other dog, Kola, was still a pup at the time, and we were concerned how he would be able to deal with a puppy constantly on his heels. Kola thought Riley was so neat, she was always where he was and imitating everything he did. As it turned out, she was actually good for him. She was able to coax him into playing with her now and then and he was very tolerant of her. Occasionally, when he was not feeling well, he would giver the growl that meant leave me alone and she would do just that. She seemed to know when he wasn't feeling well. Very often, when he was in his bed, she would just climb in to sit beside him.

As Riley developed more lumps, he started to slow down more. He began to lose his site and was walking into walls and furniture. I put a box at the top of the stair case so he wouldn't fall down, he came close once. At first I carried him to whatever room I could tell he was headed for, than I began to let him find his way. I felt awful, but I knew it would be less scarey for him if he learned how to get around. It didn't take him any time at all to learn how to find his way into the kitchen, bedroom, or top of the staircase to let me know he wanted to go out. I Hadn't worked for quite awhile, so I was home most of the time to watch out for him. I was grateful that I was able to be there with him, he needed so much help.

Our little Christmas dog, Riley loved opening presents. Every year he started opening gifts from the first day the tree went up, he didn't care what was in the gift wrap, it was the thrill of opening. December came and he was still getting around slowly, but surely. The only time I noticed his feeling pain was if he was accidently picked up wrong. If any pressure was put on that main lump on his side, it obviously hurt. We decided to get the tree early and get some gifts under there for him. He expressed some interest, but didn't attempt to open a gift. He went through most of the month getting a little slower day by day, we knew his time was running out.

December 21st began like most every other day that month, I'd wake up, take Riley off of my bed and carry him out to go potty. He hadn't been able to jump on or off the bed for a few months. He was his usual self, slow, quiet, and sleeping alot, but not showing any more signs of pain. I was sitting in the living room reading, when in he came. He walked straight over to that Christmas tree, grabbed a gift, and proceeded to open it with gusto. I was totally shocked! I grabbed my camera and got several pictures of him. He opened a few small gifts, plus his own gifts. I had taken his out of the plastic they came in and wrapped them loosely hoping what little sense of smell he had left would direct him to them.

The vet had told us, and we knew, that our hearts would tell us when it was Riley's time. I hadn't had that feeling yet, I wasn't going to let him go until my heart told me to. Riley's sudden burst of energy was short lived. He finished his gift opening, then went back to his bed to take a nap. The rest of that day, and the next day, he was the same as he had been for the past few months. On the 23rd, I got up, picked him up, and took him out. As soon as his foot hit the ground, he yelped in pain. My heart sank, I watched him for a short time and every time he stepped on his left, back foot, he would yelp. I took him in the house and called my husband at work. I told him what happened, and we both knew that Riley would suffer from then on if we didn't carry thru with our promise to ourselves; when he started showing pain, we would have to let him go. I called the vet and scheduled a time to meet my husband there with Riley. I spent the rest of the day sitting, holding him, and talking to him until it was time to go. The vet took one look at him and reassured us that not letting him go at that time would be cruel and selfish on our parts, because Riley's pain could no longer be controlled. 

We were given as much time as we needed alone with our little guy before the vet came in with his shot. My husband chose to hold him and comfort him until it was over, just as Riley had done for him. Riley fell asleep so peacefully, it was hard to believe his little heart had stopped beating. Riley hated the cold, I couldn't allow myself to bury him outside in the cold December weather. We had him cremated and he is back home with us in a little dog house shaped urn. Remembering back to the day he first came to us and took over as if he  knew he belonged here, I know that would be what he would have wanted us to do. I feel blessed that out of those four little puppy's running around, playing on the grass that day at work, Riley was the one to choose me.